Friday, April 19, 2013

Response to a Deranged Sorority Girl

Here is the original article on Gawker. Warning, the language is very explicit. I mean very. @#%!^&$. explicit.

For those who don't want the language, let me summarize for you. Apparently, this sorority (Delta Gamma) is matched up with the fraternity Sigma Nu. They are in the midst of Greek Week and are partying quite a bit with Sigma Nu. The women in this sorority aren't really mingling during the parties and are keeping pretty much to themselves. In this obscenity-laden, all caps e-mail rant, one of the members of Delta Gamma's board lets her disappointment with her sisters be known.

The most disgusting part of all of this is one of the main parts of the board member's complaint. She is angry with her sisters because they won't have random sex with the Sigma Nu. Since they aren't hooking up, they are quote [language censored] "f@#king awkward and boring" and "frats don't like boring sororities." They are preventing other sisters from having random sex. The sisters also claim that they have to be drunk before they can talk to boys.

As a commenter on the article said, "As I read it, this is all about Sigma Nu not getting laid effectively. So [the board member] is.... a pimp. Got it."

So, here it is:

Dear "Deranged Sorority Girl,"

We've all been there. You hit send on an e-mail and the second it goes, your stomach sinks. Or maybe you were drunk and didn't realize your mistake until the next morning. Or you were really, really angry and you're still angry so you stand by what you said, but you regret the way you said it. My point is, we've all been there. In this wired world, we've all sent messages that we have later regretted.

What bothers me most in your e-mail is your equating fun with sex. Fun women flirt with guys and put out. Women who don't do that are "retarded" and "losers" and "faggots" (your words, not mine). You want to hang out with women who hook up with guys at parties. Chaste women better stay home because they give your chapter a bad name.

Yes, in the media we see that college is supposed to be a time of experimentation and wild abandon. Sure, there are women out there who genuinely don't care and enjoy the rush of having a new partner every weekend. But they are a minority and the media is wrong.

There are women who act like they don't care, but they are hurting inside. They continue the act because they don't want people to think they are weird and they don't want to disappoint role models like you. You don't want to put another woman through that, do you? I'm sure you don't want to hurt another woman like that regardless if she's your sister or not.

I'm sure that you and your sisters want a real man. Someone who cares deeply about you and thinks you're the best woman in the world. I can assure you that hooking up with random guys will not help you find that perfect one. While a one night stand can lead to a relationship, it rarely does. Guys who have one night stands on a regular basis do not commit. 

Sex does release all sorts of feel-good chemicals in your brain and you might feel good the day after. But, what about a week after? A month? A year? What about when you do find Mr. Right? Men still prefer to marry virgins. They prefer virgins because they take that as a sign of self-control and self-respect. (Unfortunately, all I have is anecdotal evidence of the two previous statements.)

And that is what this all boils down to: respect. A guy who just wants to get in your pants does not respect you. It also bugs me that your girls need to be drunk to talk to guys. So, presumably, they would be drunk when they got into bed. Do you know what that's called? Rape. Having sex with a woman who cannot or does not consent is called rape. Plain and simple.

I know you're not stupid. I know you care. Give your sisters the freedom to do what they want. Respect their decisions and respect their bodies. You're not a pimp.

Lots of love,
Your friendly Catholic Feminist
Bethanie Ryan
PS: Do us all a favor and get something like Google Mail Goggles?

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