Update

I'm sorry it has been three months since I have updated the blog. I have been busy writing for other sites and doing my Feminists for Life duties. Here are a few of the things I've written while I was gone:

Ignitum Today:

Currently the site is down. I will get those articles once the site is back up.

YOUCATholic.com:

Social Justice Catholic vs. Pro-life Catholic: A False Dichotomy (In part a republishing of a blog from here)

A Meditation on a Baby's Kiss

St. Maria Goretti Revisited

The True Dignity of Women:

Birth Control in the Doctor's Office

Believe Reflections: What is Love?

Would Jesus get a tattoo?

Billboards have been popping up all over Lubbock, TX featuring a tattooed, crucified Jesus.

It directs people to a site called jesustattoo.org. No specific church is taking responsibility for the billboards. In the "About Us" section on the site, those responsible for them say that they are just what they seem, a small group of people who want to lead others to Jesus. Looking at the site, it seems to be pretty theologically neutral. It's definitely Protestant as it features a Sinner's prayer, but I found nothing there that was particularly problematic from a Catholic perspective. It even says that a follower of Jesus needs to belong to a community of believers which is an idea found more readily in Catholic circles.

So, what about the tats?

The Catholic Church teaches that tattoos as such are morally neutral. That said, there are three main factors that could push it over the fence either way.

1. The image used or... 
2. the location of the tattoo could be immoral or inappropriate
3. Your motivation in getting the tattoo could be impure. "Am I seeking to glorify God or draw attention to myself? Will my tattoo be a source of contention for my loved ones? Will getting a tattoo cause me to disobey my parents? Will my tattoo cause someone who is weak in the faith to stumble?" are all good questions to ask (Source).

A big part of the controversy seems to be the idea of Jesus having one. The website features videos where people tell their stories of how Jesus changed their lives. In these videos, an actor playing Jesus changes the tattoos on the new Christians. They were tattooed with words like "addiction" but Jesus changes those tattoos to say thing like "hope." Jesus, in turn, takes the new Christian's old tattoo onto himself. Here, it's easier to show than tell:

 

While the details might be offensive to some, the general idea here is very true and Biblical:

He himself bore our sins in his body upon the cross, so that, free from sin, we might live for righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.- 1 Peter 2:24

For our sake he made him to be sin who did not know sin, so that we might become the righteousness of God in him.- 2 Corinthians 5:21

Jesus is the Lamb of God, not just because he's perfect or because he's cute, but because lambs were used for sacrifice.

Jesus was pure, that goes without saying, but he did bear our sins on the cross and I think that this tattoo idea is a pretty creative way of making that reality tangible for people. It makes a theological idea visual in a society in which we are getting more and more used to getting our information visually rather than verbally.

A tattooed Jesus doesn't bother me, but it can be used as a source for meditation. What tats did He get from me? What sins do I need to confess? What sins do I need to remove from my life?

Lumen Fidei #17: Sacramental Reality

From #40: The sacraments communicate an incarnate memory, linked to the times and places of our lives, linked to all our senses; in them the whole person is engaged as a member of a living subject and part of a network of communitarian relationship.

A while back I reviewed The Catholic Imagination, by Andrew Greeley. I remember overall appreciating the book although he did perpetuate some half-truths about Catholic teaching. The main point of the book is that people who are raised Catholic, even if they later leave the faith, have a very distinctive mindset.

The Mass and all of the other Sacraments bring the divine into everyday life. That should permeate our whole lives. Encountering the divine in the Sacraments helps us to recognize the divine in the ordinary. Not in the same way, but just as real, Christ is present in the Mass and in our neighbors.

Moreover, the Sacraments connect us not only to God, but to all believers at all times. As this quote points out, it highlights all of the major events in our lives: birth, marriage, birth of our children, death...

And the Sacraments are multisensory experiences. You witness the priest at the altar. You smell the incense. If you go to confession seated across from the priest, you feel his hands on your head as he says the words of absolution. You hear music, the prayers, and the readings.

Growing up with these experiences leaves a permanent mark on cradle Catholics. Those I know who have fallen away still have a deep appreciation for social justice causes, still has a grasp for how interwoven we all are. Many of the ex-Catholics I know fall squarely into the "spiritual but not religious" category as they see God everywhere. I pray that they find the Sacraments again and come back.

If you want to read more of this series of posts reflecting on Pope Francis' first encyclical, visit here.

Lumen Fidei #14: We're all Magi

From #35: And image of this seeking can be seen in the Magi, who were led to Bethlehem by the star (cf. Matthew 2:1-12). For them God's light appeared as a journey to be undertaken, a star which led them on a path of discovery. The star is a sign of God's patience with our eyes which need to grow accustomed to his brightness.

Every year at the Christmas party at my Newman Center, everyone got rewards. One year, the organizing committee thought it would be cute to base all of the rewards on the Christmas story. As the token convert (and a non-Christian convert to boot), I received a cute homemade ornament featuring the three magi.

The magi: Traditionally, there have been three although the Bible doesn't give an exact number. They came from the East (like I did) following a star. They looked for the Christ.

Just like the Magi, we may have a very far way to go. In this life, the vast majority of us will never completely make it. But that doesn't mean that we stop searching. The Kingdom of God is the pearl of great price (Matthew 13:45-46), it is the treasure hidden in a field (Matthew 13:44).

Source.

You can find the rest of this series on quotes from Pope Francis' first encyclical here.

Can a Muslim Tell Us Anything About Jesus?

Yesterday, my Facebook newsfeed was on fire with two things. One, Pope Francis' comments about gays. And two, a Fox interview with Reza Aslan, the author of Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth.

The so-called news channels (Source)

Now, I refuse to judge a man based on an interview on a so-called news channel. What passes for journalism today is nothing more than thinly veiled propaganda. I'm reading his book. I'll be reviewing it later.

But the main question I ask is: Can a non-Christian tell Christians anything about Jesus?

I think they can. Two of my favorite paintings of Jesus were done by non-Christians.

Source

This is a painting of Jesus done by a Buddhist using some traditional symbolism found in pictures of Bodhisattvas. Jesus is situated in a desert and directly behind him is the cross. He's seated on a lotus, which symbolizes purity and non-attachment. Both of those are among the highest values for a Buddhist to attain. Between his hands is a tiny heart. That was my latest discovery looking at this picture. I've looked at it for 8 or 9 years now and I'm still finding little things like that to meditate upon.

The White Crucifixion by Marc Chagall (Source)

This one is apparently one of Pope Francis' favorites too. It places Jesus' crucifixion squarely in the history of persecution endured by the Jewish people. Jesus was a Jew. He was born and he died a good Jewish boy. The roots of our faith and practices are all in Judaism. Judaism deserves our utmost respect.

I look forward to the day when my family gets to move into a house with more wall-space so I can hang my copies of these paintings up again.

I think it's valuable to see Jesus through non-Christian eyes. Seeing something fresh gives you a new perspective. From their religious traditions, they might see something in Jesus that you do not see and that always gives good food for thought. As long as we approach it with a discerning spirit, we can never learn enough about our Lord.

Lumen Fidei #8: So Mote It Be!

From #23: He is the same God that Isaiah will later call, twice in one verse, the God who is Amen, "the God of truth" (cf. Is 65:16), the enduring foundation of covenant fidelity.

Welcome to another interfaith lesson from your favorite convert! So, what does "amen" mean? "So be it." What does "So mote it be" mean? "So be it."

What is "So mote it be"? It the traditional ending of prayers that was used by the Freemasons and has been adopted by Neo-Pagans.

Thought to ponder: "Witches" and Christians end their prayers in the same way.*

I want to speculate on what deeper truth this similarity could point to. What does this say about God?

The quote above talks about God as "the enduring foundation of covenant fidelity."

God's covenant with Abraham

Oftentimes, we pray because we're asking for something. It really doesn't matter what religion you follow. If you believe in a deity, you're going to ask that deity for something.

God's covenant with His people was and still is a covenant of trust. The people follow and trust in God. God stays with and favors His people.

It takes a lot of trust to ask for something and consider it done. "So be it," isn't a request. It's a statement.

We are supposed to trust in God and God is completely worthy of that trust.

* I put "witches" in quotation marks because I know some followers who are insulted by that term. I used it because that is the term that most outsiders know them by.

This is part of a series of reflections on quotes from Pope Francis' first encyclical, Lumen Fidei. For the other parts, go here.

Lumen Fidei #7: An Absent God is not a God

Cool CD cover.

From #17: Our culture has lost its sense of God's tangible presence and activity in the world. We think that God is to be found in the beyond, on another level of reality, far removed from our everyday relationships. But if this were the case, if God could not act in the world, his love would not be truly powerful, truly real, and thus not even true, a love capable of delivering the bliss that it promises.

Our Bible tells the story of people's relationship with God. Everywhere along the way from Genesis to Revelation, God intervenes on the behalf of humanity by doing thing like: saving the Israelites from slavery, helping the Israelites conquer the promised land, giving the Maccabees strength to rebel from Rome, and coming in the form of man to save us from sin and death.

But God's intervention in our lives isn't just something of history. He still intervenes every. single. day.

If you envision God as some old man in the sky who watches us intently and waits until we die to either reward us or punish us, you're not envisioning God, you're envisioning a cosmic Santa Claus.

A God who only exists out there in some netherworld who is vaguely defined and has an undefinable relationship to humanity is not the Christian God and might as well not exist at all. What use is He? How can we know He exists? What difference does His existence make?

What would be the point to religion? If we can't define God and God has no tangible relationship to us, why should we care?

But we do care. At least 90% of us in the US believe that God exists.

The Bible tells us that God is Love (1 John 4:8). We know that love exists because we love our family and friends. We endlessly seek love. God intervenes in our lives every day through those we love and those we don't particularly like.

In the quote above, Mr. Rogers is looking for love/God in the midst of tragedy. He's looking for hope through the helpers.

Our God is not some being in the sky. He's as close to us as our own family, as our very selves. That is the only God worth knowing, the only God that has any relevance. The clock-maker God is no God at all.

This is part of a series looking at quotes from Pope Francis' first encyclical, Lumen Fidei. For the other parts, go here.

What is up with Psalm 149?

Recently, we've had a few opportunities to pray with Psalm 149 in Morning Prayer. I always find that Psalm kind of jarring. We start with "singing a new song" and we end up being "honored" to kill and imprison a lot a people.

Source

My inner wanna-be Bible scholar told me it has to be about the exile and I was right. First, let's look at the Psalm:

Sing a new song to the Lord,
his praise in the assembly of the faithful.
Let Israel rejoice in its maker,
let Zion’s sons exult in their king.
Let them praise his name with dancing
and make music with timbrel and harp.

For the Lord takes delight in his people.
He crowns the poor with salvation.
Let the faithful rejoice in their glory,
shout for joy and take their rest.
Let the praise of God be on their lips
and a two-edged sword in their hand,

to deal out vengeance to the nations
and punishment on all the peoples;
to bind their kings in chains
and their nobles in fetters of iron;
to carry out the sentence pre-ordained;
this honor is for all his faithful.

Yes, we recite the whole Psalm in Morning Prayer. It's a short one. Here's where I get confused:



This awful little hymn (pardon the use of the HOLY NAME, by the way) is a cheery little number that was used all the freakin' time at my last parish. To think that this song is followed by blood shed is kind of crazy.

Yesterday, I bought my new favorite book

It's commentary on Psalm 149 is illuminating

An exilic or post-exilic psalm, depending on whether the event envisioned has already taken place or is yet to come. The event is God's deliverance of His people from exile and their restoration to Judah. The psalm envisions a reversal whereby Israel is the victor and its enemies the vanquished. The threefold repetition of the faithful emphasizes loyalty to God.

This gives us some essential clues as to what we are supposed to get out of this Psalm. As the Israelite were in exile, so are we in exile in a foreign land. Our true home is Heaven (Philippians 3:20) so we are, in a sense, exiles waiting to return.

In a Christian reading of the Psalm, this reversal is of the righteous and the unrepentant sinner. As the righteous now suffers, they will be vindicated. As many unrepentant sinners now live comfortable lives, they will be punished.

No, we are not supposed to rejoice in the pain of our enemies (Matthew 5:44). The end of this psalm is supposed to bother us if we are truly trying to imitate Jesus. It is part of our job on earth to  help make sure that other people make it to Heaven (Matthew 5:19). We don't want others to be put into chains. That's a normal, good response to this psalm. This psalm should lead us to prayer for those who aren't following God's will.

St. Gertrude the Great, pray for us

Sacrifice of Praise?

Last Friday, at weekday Mass, Psalm 116 was used. In that Psalm, verse 17 goes as such:

I will offer a sacrifice of praise

and call on the name of the LORD.

 "Sacrifice of praise"? What the heck is that supposed to mean?

It seems contradictory to me. We praise God when we remember all of the blessings He has given us. So, what does sacrifice have to do with that? When I think sacrifice, I think of Lent. What does this mean?

That is when going to the footnotes is helpful. When I look at this verse in my Bible, it references me back to Leviticus 7:12. It says:

 If someone offers it for thanksgiving, that person shall offer it with unleavened cakes mixed with oil, unleavened wafers spread with oil, and cakes made of bran flour mixed with oil and well kneaded.

The whole passage is giving instructions on how to do a sacrifice in thanksgiving. It sounds remarkably like the Eucharist mainly because it involves unleavened bread.

Wait a sec, Eucharist? Do you know what that word means? Eucharist is Greek for "thanksgiving." We use that word mainly because in the Last Supper narratives, it says that Jesus gave thanks and broke the bread. So, in a sense, the Eucharist is a "sacrifice of praise."

And there that troublesome phrase appears again in Hebrews 13:15. In context:

The bodies of the animals whose blood the high priest brings into the sanctuary as a sin offering are burned outside the camp. Therefore, Jesus also suffered outside the gate, to consecrate the people by his own blood. Let us then go to him outside the camp, bearing the reproach that he bore. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the one that is to come. Through him [then] let us continually offer God a sacrifice of praise, that is, the fruit of lips that confess his name. Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have; God is pleased by sacrifices of that kind. -Hebrews 13:11-16

Our entire lives are to be a sacrifice of praise because Jesus sacrificed Himself on the cross for us. We are supposed to live moral lives and care for the least of us. That is what a "sacrifice of praise" means.

What about times when a "sacrifice of praise" is hard to do? Here is a good article I found while researching this post that has helpful advice for those who find it difficult to offer one.

Here is a good Gospel song on the topic:

Lawn Chair Catechism #3: What is 'normal'?

We just completed Chapter Two of Sherry Wendell's book, Forming Intentional Disciples. In this chapter, we discover that Catholics don't think that a personal relationship with God is possible. They do not feel that it's appropriate to talk about their relationship with others. They think that intense conversions and being on fire for the faith is a "Protestant thing" not Catholic.

This is a chapter that I have trouble speaking to as a convert. When looking at the Catholic mentality, I'm still kind of an outsider.

I am of two minds when it comes to talking about my personal relationship with Christ. On one hand, being a theology student, a level of comfort was beat into me. I was told, over and over again, that as a lay minister, I need to be comfortable talking about my relationship. I need to be able to put my relationship into words.

On the other hand, I always hated that aspect of my classes. I don't like talking about feelings. I'll listen to someone else talk about theirs, but I hate talking about mine. I resented my classes that concentrated on this topic. I wanted to go to class to learn neat facts about the Bible, not to sit around poking at my emotional scars. It seemed like a waste of time to me, more harmful than helpful. I paid thousands of dollars to get a Masters in Pastoral Studies, not to receive counseling.

Source

I think I am "normal" using the criteria, minus the community part. Except for the Lay Dominicans, I don't have a group that I talk about faith regularly with. To refer back to my last post, I haven't had a group like that since college. I wish we had that kind of family feeling in our parish, but I'm not going to continue to beat that dead horse.

As a convert with an intense conversion experience, I don't think that a personal relationship is only for the pious few. We can all have a relationship with God. We all should have a relationship with God. An essential part of our Christian vocation is to have a relationship with God.

Join the conversation at Catholicmom.com.

Music Soothes the Baby's Soul

When I saw this article the other day, I wasn't that terribly surprised. James seemed to like music well before he was born. Even now, especially in the car, he'll get upset if there isn't some kind of music playing.

Picture from the article because that baby is too cute.

The article mentions two benefits to the music that I think are worth noting.

1. Music reminds the baby of the womb. Before he or she was born, all sounds were muted and blurry. It was like listening underwater. Music and some nature sounds (like whales) is the closest we can come to imitating those sounds. And I wonder how long this memory lasts. I know of adults that prefer to sleep in a dark room with music playing softly. It's food for thought.
2. It is used as a bonding experience for the parent and child. The parent, seeing such a small person hooked up to all sorts of machines and monitors, is understandably nervous about touching their own child. Then they feel bad about it, because they're not touching their own child. This gives parents a chance to relieve that tension by giving them a chance to comfort their child without touch.

For the Christian parent, this can take on an added dimension. As St Augustine wrote, "He who sings prays twice." We are told in Scripture to,

And do not get drunk on wine, in which lies debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another [in] psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and playing to the Lord in your hearts, giving thanks always and for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God the Father.- Ephesians 5:18-20

Being born so early and living to see another day, the parents already have plenty to sing about, "Sing praise to him, play music; proclaim all his wondrous deeds!" (Psalm 105:2) And the child doesn't care what you sound like, they only care to hear mom and dad's voices because those were the sounds they heard the most in the womb.

So this study shouldn't be a surprise to anyone, but it should be a reminder to everyone of the importance of music in the baby's life.

Note to reader: Sorry I haven't written much lately. My internship has really heated up and I was finishing work on a website I'm helping start. The website is called YOUCATholic.com and as the name suggests, it is using the YOUCAT to teach the faith. It should be going on line today and I encourage you to check it out.

Holy Trinity Sunday Reflection: Dancing at the Creation

When I imagine yesterday's first reading, I see a little girl in a white dress dancing around the altar.

This reading talks about the Holy Spirit/Wisdom being the apple of God's eye. Some translations call Her "His darling" or "His partner." This isn't an example of a goddess in Scripture although I admit it seems to come close at first glance. But the truth is, our God contains all that is perfect in both the male and the female. We have no need for a goddess, our God transcends gender.

Now, that said, isn't this a beautiful image. Just like the priest re-presents Jesus' sacrifice on the altar, I think of God Himself creating the world on that same altar. As the New Adam brings our rebirth, God brings our initial birth.

This bright, loving child prances before her Maker. She has been with God since before the beginning. Since before time, before humanity, before dust. Like any little girl and her Dad, she wants to "help" Him anyway she can, even if that just means playing nearby and cheering Him on.

She adores Him, completely loves Him. He loves and adores her. They would do anything for each other.

It is out of this love, out of this dance, that all of existence is created. This is actually very Biblical and Traditionally correct. The love of the Trinity makes all life possible. It is the model of perfect love. Love that all people, all families, are called to emulate. Without this love, nothing could exist and nothing could be made. (See CCC 257 and link and link, just to scratch the surface.)

Source

I cannot end this post without referring to the Romans passage. "Justified by faith," was one of the rallying cries of the Protestant Reformation. In recent meetings, Lutherans and Catholics realized that they weren't that different after all in regards to this teaching. Catholics don't believe that you are saved by works alone. Lutherans don't believe that works are completely irrelevant and unnecessary. To read more, see their published joint statement.

How God Sees Us

My son and I are visiting family right now and this weekend my husband joined us. Off and on all weekend, I'd look over at my husband holding our son and I'd wonder at how absolutely beautiful they are to me.

I wish I knew how to draw. I wish they could both see themselves the way that I do.

And at Mass, it made me think about how God sees us.

Not like this. (Source)

For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life.-John 3:16

Yeah, I know, it's repeated so much it's cliché. But maybe it's repeated so much because it's true. And maybe it's repeated so much because we need to hear it. And, just maybe, we could stop repeating it if we would all just finally believe it.

God is Love. God loves us more than we could possibly imagine. God created us simply because He loves us. God experienced suffering and death for us. He gave us free-will to love Him back, because it's not really love unless it's given freely.

Can you imagine how beautiful we must be to Him?


Me neither.

 

 

 

The following is a 3 minute video that made the rounds on Facebook a while back. In it, a sketch artist draws women based on how they describe themselves and on how they describe each other. It is discovered that the women described one another much more favorably than they described themselves. So, if we are that attractive to each other when we don't even know each other, how attractive must we be to God?

 

Mary as Model to Empty Oneself

Source

This haunting picture claims to be a "metallic figurine of the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus." I ran across it looking for an illustration for a book review I wrote for Ignitum Today.

Clearly, there is no Mary in this picture. She's a hollow shell holding the infant Jesus. All we see of her is her cloak wrapped around the Babe.

What does this say about Mary? What does this say about all mothers? What does this say about being a disciple of Jesus?

Sorry, more questions than answers today.

Magnificent by U2 inspired by the Magnificat

How My Son's Baptism Helped Me Heal from My C-section

My son was baptized when he was around 3 months old. I know that's kind of late for a Catholic family, but we had to schedule it so that family could be there and both of his godparents were from Missouri. We had it toward the end of July which worked because my gallbladder surgery was scheduled for the beginning of July. I was pretty much healed up by the time the baptism came around.

My husband's family came into town. My son's godmother had some flight troubles, but she made it there. We had his baptism as part of one of the Sunday Masses because 1) we didn't have very many guests and 2) I think it's more...theologically appropriate. He is being welcomed into the Catholic community after all. Yes, that is only one aspect of baptism and it isn't even a major one, but it is an important one.

Adam Ryan (Godfather), Matt Ryan (my Husband), Deacon Greg Cross, me, Beth Yount (Godmother)

 

We didn't get a lot of directions ahead of the Mass as to what exactly was going to happen. Maybe since I'm the theology student, deacon assumed I'd catechize everyone. I don't know. We fumbled through the beginning of the ceremony. I ended up holding the baby because he wasn't too happy about all of this.

 

We finally got him to go to sleep when the big moment came. Time to walk him to the back of the church to the baptismal font.

 

 

He was in for a rude awakening as the water was poured over his head. He was delivered out of a deep sleep to a deep sense of "what the...?!?!" But as his cry echoed through the silent church, I gained another piece of the puzzle. There was the magical cry I had missed the day he was born.

 

Not that he didn't cry when he was born, but I was so drugged and the operating room was so noisy, there was no magic to it. It seemed rather anti-climatic. I went into the hospital pregnant and I came out again with a baby and a hole in my gut. I felt like I missed an important step there somewhere. I still feel that way.

 

On a lighter note: I have an excuse to share this meme again.

 

I read somewhere about a woman like me who had a hard time getting over her C-section. She was giving her child a bath one day and she started to cry. There was just something about seeing her child nude and soaking wet that filled in a gap for her. She got to hold this vulnerable child and know that he or she was hers. It was a tender moment for her seeing her child like he or she was the day they were born.

 

I know it's not kosher for the birth mom to hold him as he was baptized. It should've been the godmother. But he would've been even less calm if it wasn't for me. And here was something I did. Here was something I chose. His physical birth was taken away from me, but I got to hold him when he was spiritually born. I chose the time and place for that birth. I carried him to the baptismal font. I held him as his original sin was washed away, he was initiated into the Church, and his father, godparents, and I promised to raise him in it. I held him when he became a Christian.

 

 

I'm still not healed. I have a very long way to go. This month has shown me exactly how much more I have to go. But I think it's going to have to be time that heals this wound. There isn't a whole lot else to do except maybe pray. James is an awesome kid. He's pretty easy going, although he's also really clingy. The clinginess kind of goes both ways. I love that little guy more than words can say. I just don't love the way he was born.

 

More reading about my journey:

My first Ignitum Today article

How Getting Sick Again Helped Me Heal from My C-section



How Getting Sick Again Helped Me Heal from My C-section

This month has been harder for me than I thought it would be. My son's first birthday is coming up and all of the depression from his birth is bubbling up fresh. So, this week I will share two parts of my healing process. For background info, you can look at my first Ignitum Today article here.

Source

Even a routine surgery makes one think about death. Two months after James was born, I was scheduled to have surgery once again. This time it was my gallbladder. As I was growing up, both of my parents had to have theirs removed. My mom had hers removed shortly after my brother was born. My dad's was removed in an emergency as he had waited to the last minute to go to the hospital and his gallstones snowballed into much more serious problems. So, when I had my first attack while I was in the third trimester of my pregnancy, my family knew exactly what it was. Some people will have one attack and never have troubles again. I waited for a second attack before I did anything. When that second attack came, I found a doctor, I walked into the office, and I requested to have the thing removed. Within a month, I was on the operating table again.

The thing that bugged me most this time was going under general anesthesia. But I did my research and asked my questions and what it boiled down to is: the gallbladder is too close to the diaphragm. Local anesthesia would be more dangerous than general simply because of the gallbladder's location.

So, okay...I endured a month of eating like I was vegan again. I was blessed by the fact I had been vegan before so I knew all the tricks. I just used this as an excuse to buy all that really expensive but really good vegan food that I wouldn't be able to talk my husband into buying normally.  

Aww yeah! This is where this pic comes from, but there is some awesome expensive food on this table. Cuties are da bomb! 

But, back to death: I made sure I got to confession before the surgery. I said my prayers. And as I stared at the ceiling at 3 in the morning hyperventilating thinking about going to surgery again, I thought about my priorities.

What if I did die on the table? I had met patients in the hospital who had issues with the most basic of surgeries. I had even met someone who had a heart attack during a gallbladder removal surgery. What if that was me? What if I were living in my last days?

The first thing that struck me was a flood of overwhelming love for my husband and my son. Here I was in bed, my son laying on top of me (because he wouldn't sleep in his own bed...again) and my husband beside me. All I could think about was how much I was completely and madly in love with them both. I would do anything for them. They were (and are) my world.

I imagined myself in bed in a nursing home surrounded by family. I saw how James would look and I imagined his future brothers. What would matter to me then? That my eldest wasn't born the natural way? That I felt as if I had adopted my eldest son, as if he wasn't of my flesh? No, all that would matter to me was that he is my son. That all these grown men were my sons.* I would be going to meet our Maker and spend time with Him waiting for all my boys to arrive.

In the end, not even this writing would mean much to me. I have always wanted to be a writer and I'm still working on building a career, but what is a job? You can't take it with you. What would matter to me would be family and God. And maybe that order isn't right. We are told God should come before family (Luke 14:26). Hopefully I have a nice long life ahead of me to figure that out.

I came out of that surgery with a new appreciation for what I went through when James was born. Yes, it sucked. It still sucks a year later. I thinking about it right now makes my scar hurt. But in the end, it really isn't going to matter. When I'm dying, a lot of this stuff in life isn't going to matter.   

*Given my husband's family, I really, really doubt there will be any girls.  

Divine Mercy Sunday Reflection

Divine Mercy Sunday was kind of a big deal at the Newman Center when I was in college. We'd have a blessing of the Divine Mercy image during Mass. Throughout the afternoon we'd have Confession and adoration. We would do the Divine Mercy Novena beforehand as long as we had school (Easter weekend was usually a three-day weekend).

So, what is Divine Mercy?

A saint and mystic named Faustina Kowalska wrote about her visions regarding God's mercy. Her main message was that God loves us regardless of our sins. We just need to be open to His boundless mercy and that mercy would overflow in us to the world around us. We need to trust His mercy unreservedly. Our sins and petty issues are nothing in the shadow of His love and mercy.

The Divine Mercy icon although at the bottom there is usually a banner saying "Jesus, I trust in you."

The icon was one of the first things that St. Faustina saw and Jesus told her to share it with everyone. As you can see, the icon is of Jesus. It shows blue-white coming from one side of His heart and red from the other, symbolizing the blood and water which came from His side on the cross. Devotion to this icon is supposed to bring blessings to the devoted person. But Jesus is clear in the vision: the graces don't come from the picture but from what the picture represents.

 

She was also inspired for the novena and the chaplet. A novena is (usually)  nine days of prayer. Each of the nine days of the novena have a special intention. In the case of the Divine Mercy novena they go as such:

 

• Day 1: Pray for all mankind, especially sinners
• Day 2: Pray for all priests and religious
• Day 3: Pray for all devout and faithful souls
• Day 4: Pray for those who do not believe in Jesus or do not yet know Him
• Day 5: Pray for the souls of those who have left the Catholic Church
• Day 6: Pray for meek and humble souls, including the souls of children
• Day 7: Pray for the souls of those who especially venerate and glorify Jesus' Mercy
• Day 8: Pray for the souls in purgatory
• Day 9: Pray for those who have grown lukewarm in their faith

 

The chaplet is prayed on regular rosary beads.    

 

The image above of the rosary is borrowed from EWTN.

 

1. You start it by praying one Our Father, one Hail Mary, and the Apostle's Creed.
2. On the big beads you pray, "Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your dearly beloved Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.
3. On the little beads you pray, "For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world."
4. You end it by praying, "Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
5. The optional closing prayer is one of my favorite prayers of all time:

Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion — inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself.

Divine Mercy Sunday was created by Pope John Paul II in 2000. The idea is that Catholics are given the opportunity to attend Mass, pray the chaplet and other Divine Mercy prayers, participate in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament and Confession during that day.

What about the readings?

I can't end this entry without talking about the Bible. The Gospel reading for today is John 20:19-31. This is a story of Jesus appearing to the disciples after His resurrection. In this story, Jesus says to his disciples, "Peace be with you." He breathes His spirit onto the disciples and he has an encounter with "doubting Thomas." I think that this Gospel reading is very appropriate in regards to Divine Mercy. Jesus' peace, His love and mercy, covers all sin. He tells Thomas, "Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed." Being a Christian means being in a relationship with Christ. A relationship requires trust. It takes a lot to trust someone you will never physically meet in this life (in the same way you meet your family or friends). And to know that that Person loves you more than you can imagine. Wow.

 

 

The Imperfect Church: Six things to say to "church hoppers"

A while back, I reviewed John L. Allen Jr.'s interview with Archbishop Cardinal Dolan. I walked away from that book completely enamored with the man, but that's not why I bring this up. At several points in the interview, he talked about the imperfections of the Church. Any organization, even one ran by God, is going to have imperfections because it consists of people. People aren't perfect. As Dolan says in the interview, "We shouldn't be afraid to show off the wounds of the Church to the world, and we should boast that the wounds remind us of the healer."

People run from church to church trying to find the perfect one. They say, "This one is full of hypocrites" and "this one has better preaching." They are looking for some imaginary church that is full of living saints, with awesome services and amazing programs. They are looking for a church in which they'll agree 100% with everything the hierarchy says. 

And when they do not find this church, they are the people and families that stay home on Sundays. They figure it's good to just be alone with God, because other people just mess things up anyhow. I have 6 things to say to them:

1. In any group of human beings, perfection does not exist. Everyone fails from time to time. 

2. Jesus came for sinners, not for the well.

3. He also came to afflict the comfortable and comfort the afflicted. So, you don't 100% agree with the hierarchy of your church? Maybe this is God's way of asking you to reconsider your position. Maybe this is God's challenge for you to prophetically change your hierarchy's mind. In either case, maybe you should look at the issue closer. There must be something more to learn there. Never stop learning.

4. Religion isn't supposed to be easy and it definitely isn't entertainment. No, you don't have to earn your way to heaven. Catholics and Protestants both agree on that. But church is supposed to change you. You aren't supposed to get a warm fuzzy feeling every time you go to church. Sure, sometimes you'll get a warm feeling, but other times you'll be hurt, or get angry, or sometimes you won't feel much of anything at all except the comfort of knowing you are not alone.

5. This is in direct response to the Muslim convert to Catholicism who left the Church because the Church "got soft on Islam": church isn't about hate. We don't get together to hate. Jesus doesn't hate. This also goes for the Catholics who think the Church is not being hard enough on homosexuals.

6. But neither should you expect unconditional acceptance of your behavior. "Love the sinner, hate the sin," said St. Augustine. There is a huge difference between the doer and the action. The doer is always a person in the likeness of God who God loved so much that He died for them. The action is not always so holy.

So, find a church that isn't completely bad and one that you feel at home in and stick with it. Through good times and bad. When you love it and when it challenges some of your fundamental beliefs. You'll grow through it and you'll be better for it.

Source.

Cynical, but enlightening post from a Protestant Pastor who has plenty to say about this topic to fellow pastors:
http://clarityevangelist.typepad.com/will_mancini/2009/11/top-ten-things-church-hoppers-say-.html