Update

I'm sorry it has been three months since I have updated the blog. I have been busy writing for other sites and doing my Feminists for Life duties. Here are a few of the things I've written while I was gone:

Ignitum Today:

Currently the site is down. I will get those articles once the site is back up.

YOUCATholic.com:

Social Justice Catholic vs. Pro-life Catholic: A False Dichotomy (In part a republishing of a blog from here)

A Meditation on a Baby's Kiss

St. Maria Goretti Revisited

The True Dignity of Women:

Birth Control in the Doctor's Office

Believe Reflections: What is Love?

Wrongful Birth, Wrongful Life, Pre-natal Testing and C-Sections

This story explains a lot.

My current homestate, New York, is one of many states which does not protect medical personnel from wrongful birth or wrongful life lawsuits.

A wrongful birth suit is when a family sues a medical professional because their child was born with some kind of illness or disability that if caught before birth would have resulted in an abortion.

A wrongful life suit is when an individual sues a medical professional because they feel they should never have been born.

Borrowed from one of the most awesome blogs on the net. Who borrowed it from somebody called Saturn Stills at Sciencesource.com.

When I got pregnant with James, I was told about all of the pre-natal testing they could do. I refused to do them because a) we have no family history and b) most importantly, the test results would not changed anything, I would never have an abortion.  When I refused, I had to sign a waiver saying that I had been offered these tests, been informed of the pros and cons, and refused. Since I was in my twenties with no family history, the doctors didn't really attempt to persuade me either way. I wonder what will happen next time around since we aren't planning on trying to get pregnant again until I'm at least 30.

One of the biggest c-section myths out there and the one that hacks me off the most.

I also wonder if this mentality has something to do with the c-section rates. There are a number of factors in making c-section rates as high as they are. I know, however, in the case of myself and many other women who have unwanted c-sections, they are pressured into it by doctors. And one of the reasons for the pressure? The doctors are concerned that in the course of regular labor, something will go wrong. They are afraid something will go wrong and they'll be sued.

I addressed this topic specifically with my doctor since I knew it was an issue. I told her that I wouldn't sue her for something that is out of her control. Life and death are a mystery. Childbirth is more of an art than a science. Some things just cannot be predicted and controlled.

I can understanding suing someone when there has been gross negligence, but this "sue-happy" culture makes no sense. Someone doesn't have to pay every time something goes wrong. Pardon my language, but shit happens.

And suing the doctor involved in the birth of your child because the child has a disability is sending one message out loud and clear, "This child should not be alive. A handicapped life is not worth living. A disabled life is less valuable than the life of a 'healthy' person."

I can understand that those with special needs children need money to pay for their care, but you don't have to get it at the expense of the innocent doctor. There are many government and charitable organizations to reach out to for help. And if that isn't enough, be an activist for more aid.

Source.

People suing the medical personnel is only making things worse for all of us. It is creating the environment in which few people go into the OB profession because the insurance costs are too high. And people in the profession are scared. And women and children are subjected to unnecessary tests and interventions because the professionals are scared.

Not to mention the message this is sending to world about the value of human life.

Mothers are Dying in Childbirth in the US

While researching for an NPR interview, I found an inspiring project online called The Safe Motherhood Quilt Project. The woman who is in charge of this project is collecting the names and stories of women who died due to complications in childbirth (or late-term abortion) to bring attention to the horrible maternal mortality rate here in the US. The United States spends more on medicine than nearly anyone else, but we have the highest infant and maternal mortality rate in the industrialized world. Where is all of that money going if it's not to save infants and mothers lives?

There are many reasons why this is happening. Here I list only a few:

1) The overuse of c-sections. Even in a scheduled routine c-section, the mother is twice as likely to die than if she had a vaginal birth.

2) Poor health care for poor people. Women living in poverty are far more likely to die from complications in childbirth than rich women.

3) Poorly staffed medical facilities and poor communication among staff. Many times when a woman dies in childbirth it is because the signs that something was wrong were not noticed or not reported until it was too late. I know medical personnel are only human and they take their jobs very seriously, but they need the support and the tools to do their job better.

For more information: Amnesty International Report

One Child, Three Parents: What is Wrong with this Picture?

Scientists in the UK have found a way to make a child with three parents.

Yes, you read that correctly.

I wonder if this calls under Pope Paul VI's prophecies somewhere.

In any case, what is exactly wrong with this picture? Scientists have simply found a way for a woman who carries mitochondrial diseases to have a child who is biologically hers. We're only fixing a disease, right?

Source

Let's start at the beginning: We have here a child conceived via IVF. IVF has many serious moral and practical implications. First of all, the success rate is rather poor and it's really, really expensive.  It also creates a life at the expense of others. Life starts at conception, right? Well, more lives are being conceived during IVF than ever see the inside of the mother's womb. The main reason why the Church does not approve of IVF, however, is that it separates sex from procreation. It turns procreation into something that is done impersonally in a lab. To read more, I recommend an article by one of my fellow Ignitum Today columnists, Bernard Toutounji. 

Source

Problemo numero dos: A child's DNA is being messed with. A scholar interviewed by CNN in the original article points out: It crosses "the line that will eventually lead to a eugenic designer baby market." There are already ways for a woman to avoid passing her mitochondrial disease to her children in using a donated egg (see next problem below). The only thing this insures is that the child is genetically related to her. It is laudable to want to spare your child the pain of mitochondrial disease, but where do we draw the line? Let's say, someday scientist link being left-handed to a gene. Well, it's a right-hand world, so let's fix it. And my family needs more boys, so let's mess with the DNA to make sure I don't have any girls. And then we look at places like China with their one child policy and we see where this dystopia is heading. 

Egg donation: Directive 40:

Heterologous fertilization (that is, any technique used to achieve conception by the use of gametes coming from at least one donor other than the spouses) is prohibited because it is contrary to the covenant of marriage, the unity of the spouses, and the dignity proper to parents and the child.

It's a form of infidelity to use someone other than your spouse to have kids. It degrades the other person by using their gametes as a tool. It's degrading to the child who does not have the opportunity to be raised by their biological parent.

Sometimes it seems as if we forget that children are human beings. They are not commodities. They are not the property of their parents. No one has the right to have a child at all costs. Children are human beings. They are gifts from God made in His image with incalculable dignity. We have the responsibility to raise them, shelter them, feed them, and keep them free from diseases. Yes, it is our moral imperative to keep our child healthy, but not to the expense of others.

Where Do Your Priorities Lie?

When I went to the grocery store yesterday, I saw a car parked like this:

Granted, the car I saw was probably a lot more expensive than this one, but that only leads me to question all the more: Where do your priorities lie?

This guy (or girl) clearly knows one thing that is important in their life. They are willing to be a complete jerk taking up four spaces in a grocery store parking lot in order to avoid getting their pretty little car scratched. I wonder why they even bothered taking it out of the garage if they were so paranoid. What are you that protective of?

Let me answer the question first. For better or worse, I think my top priority right now is my son. I don't like ever having him out of my sight. As much as I complain about dealing with him all day on my own, I love holding him and cuddling with him, especially when he is asleep. My life has been scheduled around him since the day he was born and I love him more than anything or anyone else.

Before you start applauding my priorities, there's a lot of very wise people who say you should put your spouse first. The most important thing that the baby needs is a happy, stable home.

There are even wiser people who say that God should still come absolutely first. I'm reminded of Abraham's near sacrifice of Isaac. That story bugged me even before I had a kid. Now that I'm a parent, it bothers me even more. What kind of parent would even think to do such a thing? And he's supposed to be one of our role models (see Romans 4)? And what kind of God requests that?

The Sacrifice of Isaac by Caravaggio

To keep my sanity, I try to concentrate on the fact that God stopped him. Child sacrifice was not unheard of in ancient times, so such a request would not be a revolting to Abraham as it is to me. It is a very important political statement that God stops him. The God of Abraham does not want human sacrifice like the pagan gods did. So it becomes more of a statement of Abraham's loyalty and trust than of madness.

Putting God first is sometimes painful and almost always hard. We like to look for instant gratification, but putting God first will make us happier in the long run. It will make us happier not only in the life to come, but in this life too as we live a life unattached to stuff and with a clean conscience.

Sounds like a good deal to me, and I don't get to come across as a jerk taking up 4 spaces in the grocery store lot. Man, I wanted to key that car.

Source

Mothers At Work: An Untapped Resource

Japan is beginning to tap the power of the mom. After centuries of discrimination, companies are discovering that working mothers are not a drag on the economy or productivity after all. Given a mother-friendly workplace, these women are fruitful and happy.

What about here in the United States? Well, a woman's income shrinks 5% with every child she has. Discrimination against pregnant women and single moms runs rampant. Are there any employers in the US who get it? Does anyone realize as some Japanese employers do that moms can be a benefit in the workforce?

 

Believe it or not, some do. Some companies allow babies in the workplace. Others have extended maternity (and paternity!) leave. Here is a list of the 100 best companies for working moms.

What can we do to promote this? How can we help more companies to realize that mothers make good workers? I think the number one thing to do is to educate. We need to inform companies about the value of working moms. Mothers who are in the workforce need to ask for the things they need and speak up for their seeking, unemployed sisters.

For more info:

5 Non-Negotiable Benefits for New Moms

The Financial Benefits of Having Babies in the Workplace

Practical Advice About How to Implement a Babies at Work Policy

In the Words of a Mom

An Organization that Advocates for Babies at Work

Born to Save Her Sister's Life: The Morality of Saving Lives

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Last week, Marissa Ayala graduated college. She was conceived by her parents 20 years ago in the hopes that she could be a bone marrow donor for her 16-year-old sister who was dying of cancer.

Ethically and pastorally, this case would be a nightmare. You are dealing with a family who is looking at the very real possibility that they will be losing their daughter. They are watching her waste away. They have been unable to find a donor. In one last act of desperation, they try to make a donor themselves.

Of course, baby Marissa would not have been able to agree to the procedure. A bone marrow transplant can be a dangerous and painful procedure. I don't know exactly how they harvested the marrow, so I can't make any specific comments in that regard. There are about 3 or 4 ways that this procedure could have been done.

My third favorite book, after the Bible and the Catechism, is surprisingly unhelpful in this particular case.

I LOVE THIS BOOK.

The guidelines it gives for one person donating to another include: there needs to be a serious need on the part of the recipient that cannot be fulfilled any other way, the functional integrity of the donor cannot be compromised, the risk taken needs to be proportionate to the good result, and the donor and recipient needs to give free and informed consent. (pg. 106)

In this instance, the donor cannot give free and informed consent, the parents are given that responsibility. Arguably, their consent is not free at all, being weighed heavily by their concern for both the donor and the recipient. The need of the 16-year-old was clearly grave. While the donor must've gone through some pain, her functional integrity was only maybe temporarily compromised. The risk to the younger daughter was certainly proportionate to saving her older sister's life.

I don't know if this family went to any clergy in making their decision. If they did, God bless that clergy-member. If faced with a situation like this, I would only be able to help the family explore their options and help them to look at the situation thoroughly from multiple points of view. I would help them understand all of the implications of their actions and pray that the Holy Spirit guides them.

Yes, it is not right to use a person. But, a decision like this cannot be easy. The letter of the law is one thing. When the rubber hits the road, when Truth meets everyday human experience, that is when things get hard.

Holy Trinity Sunday Reflection: Dancing at the Creation

When I imagine yesterday's first reading, I see a little girl in a white dress dancing around the altar.

This reading talks about the Holy Spirit/Wisdom being the apple of God's eye. Some translations call Her "His darling" or "His partner." This isn't an example of a goddess in Scripture although I admit it seems to come close at first glance. But the truth is, our God contains all that is perfect in both the male and the female. We have no need for a goddess, our God transcends gender.

Now, that said, isn't this a beautiful image. Just like the priest re-presents Jesus' sacrifice on the altar, I think of God Himself creating the world on that same altar. As the New Adam brings our rebirth, God brings our initial birth.

This bright, loving child prances before her Maker. She has been with God since before the beginning. Since before time, before humanity, before dust. Like any little girl and her Dad, she wants to "help" Him anyway she can, even if that just means playing nearby and cheering Him on.

She adores Him, completely loves Him. He loves and adores her. They would do anything for each other.

It is out of this love, out of this dance, that all of existence is created. This is actually very Biblical and Traditionally correct. The love of the Trinity makes all life possible. It is the model of perfect love. Love that all people, all families, are called to emulate. Without this love, nothing could exist and nothing could be made. (See CCC 257 and link and link, just to scratch the surface.)

Source

I cannot end this post without referring to the Romans passage. "Justified by faith," was one of the rallying cries of the Protestant Reformation. In recent meetings, Lutherans and Catholics realized that they weren't that different after all in regards to this teaching. Catholics don't believe that you are saved by works alone. Lutherans don't believe that works are completely irrelevant and unnecessary. To read more, see their published joint statement.

7 Quick Takes (#7) Warrior Momma Edition

--- 1 ---

There ain't nothing ugly about this picture. (Pardon the language though.)

Source: This awesome site called "How to be a dad"

--- 2 ---

 

This momma gave a part of her liver to her baby who couldn't wait any longer for a donor.

--- 3 ---

 

Women like Stacie Crimm, the mother of this little girl, who gave up cancer treatment for their unborn babies.



--- 4 ---

 

Of course, I'd need to mention the mothers who have scars across their guts and sometimes even deeper scars on their souls from births that went wrong. We've had a long, hard road to travel in recovering from our children's births. 

--- 5 --

 

A couple months ago, there was a tragedy in my neck of the woods. A man carjacked and kidnapped a mother and daughter. He tied up the mother and raped the daughter. The mother escaped and got the man's attention so the daughter could run away. The mother was murdered. The daughter is safe. The man is in prison, apparently having a hard time.

 

The mother clearly sacrificed herself for her child. She had the courage to sacrifice herself in such a horrendous situation so that her daughter could live. It's almost insulting to call her only a "warrior." She is clearly much more than that.

 

--- 6 ---

 

Doctors gave up this baby for dead, but this warrior momma gave her daughter skin to skin contact and within minutes her heart rate became normal and she was breathing on her own. All this mother wanted to do was to make sure "she didn't die being cold," but she ended up saving her life.

 



--- 7 ---

Source

 

And a talk about warrior mothers cannot be complete without birthmoms! These are the women who held on to their babies for 40 weeks, gave birth to them, and then gave them up for adoption. These women are no less mothers than the women who raised them. They did what all mothers have to do, sacrifice themselves for their babies.

 



For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

How God Sees Us

My son and I are visiting family right now and this weekend my husband joined us. Off and on all weekend, I'd look over at my husband holding our son and I'd wonder at how absolutely beautiful they are to me.

I wish I knew how to draw. I wish they could both see themselves the way that I do.

And at Mass, it made me think about how God sees us.

Not like this. (Source)

For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life.-John 3:16

Yeah, I know, it's repeated so much it's cliché. But maybe it's repeated so much because it's true. And maybe it's repeated so much because we need to hear it. And, just maybe, we could stop repeating it if we would all just finally believe it.

God is Love. God loves us more than we could possibly imagine. God created us simply because He loves us. God experienced suffering and death for us. He gave us free-will to love Him back, because it's not really love unless it's given freely.

Can you imagine how beautiful we must be to Him?


Me neither.

 

 

 

The following is a 3 minute video that made the rounds on Facebook a while back. In it, a sketch artist draws women based on how they describe themselves and on how they describe each other. It is discovered that the women described one another much more favorably than they described themselves. So, if we are that attractive to each other when we don't even know each other, how attractive must we be to God?

 

I've Graduated!!!!

In January 2008, I went straight to grad school after graduating college. Due to numerous financial and personal issues, I dropped out, moved back home and worked full-time for two years.

I went back in September 2010. I went to school full-time while working part-time, volunteering for three different organizations, and sorta, kinda "planning" a wedding (my roommate actually did a lot of that job for me).

Got married in July 2011, moved half-way across the country, and had an unexpected baby. Thanks to the patience of the staff at Aquinas Institute and Rev. Terry Culbertson at Upstate University Hospital, I was able to complete the 5 remaining courses to finish my degree.

I technically graduated in December 2012, but I got to walk this past Friday. It is the end of a very long journey. As a woman I met Saturday said, "You really wanted this."

Mary as Model to Empty Oneself

Source

This haunting picture claims to be a "metallic figurine of the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus." I ran across it looking for an illustration for a book review I wrote for Ignitum Today.

Clearly, there is no Mary in this picture. She's a hollow shell holding the infant Jesus. All we see of her is her cloak wrapped around the Babe.

What does this say about Mary? What does this say about all mothers? What does this say about being a disciple of Jesus?

Sorry, more questions than answers today.

Magnificent by U2 inspired by the Magnificat

Telling the Truth About Parenthood

The truth needs to be told. You hear in the media frequently about how much having kids suck. There was a recent article on MSN about "Why kids cost so much?". Less than a month ago, there was an article on the Mail Online in which a woman states that having children was the biggest regret of her life. Now, the Huffington Post publishes an article from a dad who says he doesn't want his twins that are due now in August.

No, having kids isn't a walk in the park. Yes, it does require sacrifice. Yes, it does require change. Some of us do have ambivalent feelings toward parenthood and those people should not be looked down upon because of their feelings. But, the other side needs to be told as well. Instead of gripping about the cost of children and how much of our free-time they take away, we need to also acknowledge that they make us better people. They teach us unconditional love. They give us our most depressing and frustrating moments, but they can give us our happiest moments, too.

Watching the world today, I cannot help but think about how it would be a better place if more of us were parents, if parenthood was exulted instead of shunned.

Yeah, go ahead and laugh. I didn't realize how unkind the world is for parents until I became one. Then you notice how many stores and restaurants do not have changing tables. You realize how utterly impossible it becomes to meet new people because, for instance, the young adult ministry in your diocese has events at bars on weeknights. You rarely see descent TV shows that feature families. They often have single main characters or the plot revolves around a workplace so you don't usually see the families. Most workplaces are not family-friendly. If you put you put your family ahead of your job, you get in trouble. If you have young children (especially if you're single), you don't get hired in the first place.



Source

There are few things in America that are more counter-cultural than having a family (especially a family with more than one kid, yikes!).

But when you're holding that small body in your arms for the first time, you finally know what love is. You get a taste of what God's love is for us. You would do absolutely anything for that tiny human being. You have a vested interest in the future of the planet. This touches on everything from how you vote, whether you recycle, how you volunteer... Your heart breaks even more when you see a terrorist attack or hear about violence on the news, because you cannot help but think, "What if that was my child?"

If we would put our priorities in a different order, having families over having careers, the world would be a better place. We'd take the longer view. We could easier put creating a better world over making a bigger profit. We could give up traveling around the world and instead look at the world through children's eyes.

Again, say it all you want. "I don't need kids to teach me compassion." Again, I didn't think I did either.